My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

Why did the family bring a ladder to dinner? Because they heard the meal was on the house.

“You never tell me I’m beautiful anymore.”Husband: “I told you on our wedding day and said I’d let you know if anything changed.”Husband is now accepting mail at an undisclosed location. 💌😂

“I’m going on a diet. Will you support me?”Husband: “Absolutely! 100%!”Wife: “So you’ll stop bringing home cake?”Husband: “Let’s not go crazy.” 🎂😂

“Tell me what you love most about each other.”Wife: “He makes me laugh.”Therapist: “And you?”Husband: “She makes me nervous… is that the same thing?” 😰😂