Office Jokes

“Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”Employee: “Honestly? In your chair.”Boss: “And where do you see ME in 5 years?”Employee: “Honestly? I hadn’t thought that far.” 🪑😂

“Lunch is on me today! Order whatever you want!”Employee: “Really?! Can I get the lobster?”Boss: “Within reason.”Employee: “Can I get the sandwich?”Boss: “That’s more like it.” 🥪😂

“What time do people usually leave here?”Veteran employee: “Depends.”New employee: “On what?”Veteran employee: “On whether the boss is watching the door or not.” 👀😂

“Why are you leaving the company?”Employee: “The pay is terrible, the hours are awful, and my boss is unbearable.”HR: “Would you be willing to stay if we fixed one of those?”Employee: “Which one?”HR: “The parking spot.” 🚗😂

“Can everyone see my screen?”Employee: “Yes.”Employee 2: “Yes.”Employee 3: “You’ve been sharing your screensaver for 20 minutes.”Boss: “That explains why no one looked confused.” 💻😂

Employee calls in: “Boss, I can’t come in today. I’m sick.”Boss: “How sick are you exactly?”Employee: “Well, I’m currently sitting at your desk.”

A man walks into work on Monday looking absolutely terrible.His coworker asks, “Rough weekend?”He says, “My wife told me to go out and have fun Friday night.”“Sounds great! What happened?”“Turns out, we have very different definitions of fun.”

“Your performance this year has been outstanding.”Employee: “Thank you!”Boss: “Unfortunately, so has everyone else’s.”Employee: “So… no raise?”Boss: “You’re outstanding at understanding!”

“I need a raise. There are three companies after me.”Boss: “Really? Which companies?”Employee: “Electric, water, and gas.”