The Sick Day
Employee calls in: “Boss, I can’t come in today. I’m sick.”Boss: “How sick are you exactly?”Employee: “Well, I’m currently sitting at your desk.”
Office Jokes
Office Jokes
The Monday Mood
A man walks into work on Monday looking absolutely terrible.His coworker asks, “Rough weekend?”He says, “My wife told me to go out and have fun Friday night.”“Sounds great! What happened?”“Turns out, we have very different definitions of fun.”
Office Jokes
The Performance Review Boss
“Your performance this year has been outstanding.”Employee: “Thank you!”Boss: “Unfortunately, so has everyone else’s.”Employee: “So… no raise?”Boss: “You’re outstanding at understanding!”
Office Jokes
The Pay Raise Employee
“I need a raise. There are three companies after me.”Boss: “Really? Which companies?”Employee: “Electric, water, and gas.”
Office Jokes
The Early Bird Boss
“You’re late! We start at 9 AM sharp!”Employee: “I know, but every time I come in early, everyone thinks I’m staying late and asks me to do extra work.”Boss: “…”Employee: “So technically, I’m saving us both time.”
Relationship Jokes
The Anniversary Gift
My wife said she wanted something that goes from 0 to 100 in seconds for our anniversary.I got her a weighing scale.I’m currently accepting mail at an undisclosed location.
Relationship Jokes
The GPS Problem
My wife asked me why I never listen to her. I said, “Sorry, can you repeat that?” She said, “That’s EXACTLY the problem!” I said, “Sorry, can you repeat that?”
Relationship Jokes
The Compliment Trap
Husband: “You looked so beautiful on our wedding day.”Wife: “What about now?”Husband: “You still look exactly the same.”Wife: “Aw, really?”Husband: “Yes… unfortunately, I was hoping you’d improve.”