My wife said she wanted something that goes from 0 to 100 in seconds for our anniversary.I got her a weighing scale.I’m currently accepting mail at an undisclosed location.

My wife asked me why I never listen to her. I said, “Sorry, can you repeat that?” She said, “That’s EXACTLY the problem!” I said, “Sorry, can you repeat that?”

Husband: “You looked so beautiful on our wedding day.”Wife: “What about now?”Husband: “You still look exactly the same.”Wife: “Aw, really?”Husband: “Yes… unfortunately, I was hoping you’d improve.”